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When taking the long walk from the 9 to the 2, I wish for the road to be as direct as possible. Yet this year, I find myself having to walk around these “obstacles” on the way to class. The alarming increase of dinosaurs at our school is an escalating problem that no one seems to care about except me.
The iguanadons think they can just, like, disappear for millions of years and then casually rejoin society. I like to think of Heritage as a private institution. That said, why are these Cretaceous freaks being granted admission?
LIZARD LETHARGY: Senior Tyrone Greenberg cuts A.P. Calculus BC again. Call it senioritis; I call it a reptilian species' wide lack of motivation. (Photo / http://www.flickr.com/photos/wjklos / CC BY 2.0)
As much as they wish to join our society, the reptiles seem to be making absolutely no effort to fit in with civilization. “I’m not saying I have a problem with these scale-backs,” said an anonymous English teacher, “but it would be nice to have them not cut my class every day.”
Though they rarely make appearances in class, I find it infuriating how they have access to this expensive and prestigious education without paying a cent. According to a recent study, 99.9% of the parent dinosaurs don’t even pay required tuition. I tried interviewing a dinosaur parent on how she manages to have her child attend Heritage, but she remained adamantly silent and would not comment.
At first I thought some were here on scholarships. After looking into this I found they offer nothing to the school. They bring nothing to athletics; they’re involved with barely any extracurricular activities, and their academic skills leave much to be desired. “What kills me is the amount of potential this one [dinosaur] has…” said a fine arts instructor who wished to remain unspecified, “…he just won’t apply himself.”
Human students, we have a problem. Gigantic reptilian predators are slowly taking over our campus. It is becoming impossible to walk by the 7000 and not find one tonguing at a crumb on the ground. Times have changed and so has earth’s dominant species. It will not be long until those garden gnomes start getting ideas, too…
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